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FIC: Incongruent (K/S, 1/1)

Title: Incongruent
Author: Jaylee
Fandom: Star Trek Reboot
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: R
Summary: "Thus the pattern continued. Learn people, see what makes them tick, and cajole around their defenses to benefit his person. It wasn’t until one night, while drinking away the fact that he had to live in a universe in which stupidity existed, that he began to reevaluate his hard-earned take on the psychology of man. "
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: I do not own characters, I'm just borrowing them for a little non-profit geared fun.
Notes: Special thanks to
dawning_star for her valuable input, and to sundara for the fabulous beta work and polishing.


Jim Kirk had great instincts when it came to people.

He could read them in a flash...it was second nature to him. It wasn't something he thought much about, or discussed at all with anyone. He rarely used his abilities for anything other than getting himself out of trouble, or manipulating situations for his own satisfaction. But the truth of the matter, something that he had figured out by the time he was five, was the world was composed of two types of people: idiots who richly deserved any trick at his disposal, and the smart people who saw through Jim's games, but which propriety disallowed them to do anything about. Either type was fair game, in his opinion, which meant, essentially, that everyone was fair game in the unending match of Kirk vs. the universe.

As harsh as it was, Jim’s lessons in people reading came honestly, if not ruthlessly
. Jim’s stepfather had been a loud, overbearing, oppressive type of individual - the type of bully who picked on those smaller than him because he could and because it made him feel better and more powerful about himself as a person. But, by luck or evolution (survival of the fittest and all that), Frank had the intelligence of a grapefruit, as insulting as that was to citrus everywhere, and was utterly easy to manipulate. Jim knew which of Frank's buttons caused anger, which would cause apathy and which buttons, if pushed, would come to physical blows. It had become a sort of game during his childhood: piss off Frank for having the nerve to persecute children, for daring to try to play the role of tyrant to Jim and his brother, but do it in a way that wouldn’t earn Jim a black eye.

And thus the pattern continued. Learn people, see what makes them tick, and cajole around their defenses to benefit his person. It wasn’t until one night, while drinking away the fact that he had to live in a universe in which stupidity existed, that he began to reevaluate his hard-earned take on the psychology of man.

A lesson came, and her name was Uhura.

She was strong, she was smart, and she had a way of looking at Jim as if to say, ‘I’ve got you all figured out, you’re not that much of a conundrum, and you offend me by breathing; kindly stop.’

She was Jim in female form - in that she was quick, and she clearly saw through actions to garner intent - only with less baggage, a more blatant way of using sense and way more condescension.

So… perhaps there were three types of people in the world. The third category belonging to a select, enlightened few… those who read others and had low tolerance for pointlessness.


Leonard McCoy was the first person Jim had ever met that made him sit back and say, ‘this man is such a paranoid oddball, he’s awesome, and I want to be his friend.’

Like Jim and Uhura, Bones could read people and read them well; he just didn’t give a shit. He knew the world was composed of idiots, and he wasn’t ashamed to voice that opinion, loudly and as often as he could. He did what Jim often had the urge to do, but usually didn't...not that it mattered if Jim kept his mouth shut. People still found reasons to jump him.

Everything annoyed Bones, just like everything annoyed Jim, but Leonard took annoyed and made it an art form. No one could do bitter like Bones and make it so damn lovable.

The first time the two of them had gotten shit-faced drunk at the academy, celebrating a successful term of knocking other, lesser, idiots out of the grading curve, Bones had turned to Jim and said, “It’s you and me, kid, you and me. The rest of the universe is too blind to see that life as a whole is completely disturbed and that everyone and their mother’s-brother’s-cousin are all a couple of cherries short of a fruitcake. There is no sanity in this quadrant of the universe.”

Bones had followed this proclamation with a wave of his wrist and an air of indifferent acceptance, and Jim squelched his own, “And how! What he said!”

Instead he just smiled at his friend and said, “I love you, man.” And he did, in that platonic, affectionate, delighted kind of way.

So maybe there were four types of people: the fourth type being the people that just got it, who understood how things in life worked beyond the bullshit, like Bones.

Jim adored him for it.


If anyone was a couple cherries short of a fruitcake, it was Scotty.

Scotty was living proof that if someone had an abundance of one trait, which in Scotty’s case was complete, utter, and undeniable brilliancy, they lacked in others, like social graces.

God, but Jim applauded him.

From the moment Scotty had asked the alternate universe version of Spock if there were sandwiches in the future, Jim had decided then and there that when he became captain of a starship, he wanted Scotty on his crew.

The man could calculate a formula to beam aboard a ship moving at warp-speed, but still retained the ability to recognize what was really important in life: food, any other necessity listed on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and whatever else felt good at the moment.

And once they had accomplished said beaming, and Scotty had born the brunt of a quietly livid, young Spock’s Vulcan-y glare by asking for a towel, Jim wanted to declare his undying devotion. This was the man he wanted as his number two friend.

Scotty had balls, Jim would give him that. And he’d also given Jim his new favorite catch phrase…’so, do you think I could get a towel,’ a.k.a ‘things are way too tense around here, you guys need to lighten the fuck up.’

So perhaps there was a fifth category of people, too: those who were genius beyond the telling of it, but crazy as all hell and blatant about it.

Jim thought there should be more Scottys in the universe, but didn’t think the universe could handle it.


It took Jim a while to figure Sulu out.

The young helmsman was nice. He was compassionate. He was actually supportive of his new captain, despite the obvious doubts of others. And he was completely sincere in all of those things. He didn’t seem to do the compassionate thing for personal gain, like most other so-called ‘benevolent’ people that Jim had met throughout his life.

It was weird.

For a while Jim had regarded Sulu with open puzzlement. Like, ‘okay, what’s the catch, here? There has to be a catch.’

Sulu was just as sharp of the rest of the Enterprise crew, and Jim’s crew was the smartest in the universe, and all completely exceptional, thank you kindly, but Sulu was just so unassuming about it.

Jim just knew that Sulu had been a fucking boy scout when he was younger, he just knew it. He was also a bit of a lesson in diffidence. Not that Jim took it to heart or anything. Being reserved utterly worked for Sulu, but didn’t quite work for Jim Kirk. No one would believe it if he tried.

Still though, the universe could definitely use more Sulus and be better for it.

He existed in a newly invented sixth category of people – those precious few who were actually, honest to God, genuine.


If Jim ever had a son -- which was doubtful because Jim would be a crap father and he understood that clearly about himself -- he was going to name the kid Pavel in hopes that the name carried similar traits for all those who used it.

The young ensign was smart as a whip and hid his smirk at being more intelligent than most under a veil of innocence. Jim had a feeling that Chekov was secretly assessing the crew and monitoring who he could swindle out of their lunch credits. The victims would never realize they were being swindled, because the kid had the whole ‘I’m such a sweet, harmless little guy, deviousness would never, ever cross my mind’ thing going for him.

Jim admired that about him.

It also made him wary. Jim knew better than most that one should never underestimate their opponent in the chess game of life. Chekov was the knight that everyone thought a pawn. He was that nerd in elementary school who always had his hand raised in class, but grew up to redefine Einstein’s ‘Theory of Relativity’ and then laugh about it all the way to the bank in that evil genius kind of way.

‘Take that, mother fuckers. Showed you. Bask in my genius. Yes, you may touch my hand in the hopes that my brilliance will seep into you through osmosis, but I wouldn't count on it.’

Jim was not going to be the one to hold the kid back from taking over the universe, if that’s what he wanted. Chekov was certainly welcome to it, if only for being that hypothetical little brother that Jim never had.

Chekov was category seven: the prodigy.

One should never doubt the short, smart and spry – they had it going on.


Jim could not define Spock. At all. And not through lack of trying.

Every time he thought he came close to categorizing Spock, the Vulcan did something to throw Jim’s theory out the airlock.

He was a logically minded, unemotional automaton… except Spock really did do emotional when pushed, and he did it so intensely that humans, by contrast, seemed to only play at their feelings and not really mean it.

Spock did severe like it was no one’s business.

He was moral and a stringent upholder of the law, unless someone he loved was threatened, in danger, or genuinely unhappy, and then, watch out lesser beings, because Spock was going to go apeshit on you and it won’t be pretty.

When Jim had first met Spock, he'd hated the self-righteous, rigid prig, but the more Jim got to know him, the more enthralled he became.

Spock was more than the sum of his parts. Not entirely Vulcan, definitely not human, but strong, and vivid, and so completely startling – just so relentless in everything that he did- that sometimes Jim couldn’t help but just stop and stare in dazed amazement.

Everything Spock did just drew Jim’s attention more, and Spock’s utter refusal to be defined just made all the confusing turmoil Jim felt towards his first officer that much more poignant.

Bantering ideas back and forth with Spock made Jim feel smarter. He felt he could accomplish anything just by having Spock at his side. All the infinite possibilities in the universe spread out before them, with Spock there to see Jim personally through each and every one.

It took Jim months to realize that he no longer felt the urge to define Spock, that he was rather intrigued by the fact that Spock was inexplicable, and felt he should remain that way. Jim kind of liked that he couldn't figure out Spock; it added a hint of mystery to life and had Jim feeling that maybe the universe wasn't so flawed after all. Maybe it had gotten something, or someone, just right.

Love, soul-deep love -- the ‘I would give up orgasms, chocolate sundaes and picturesque walks through sandy beaches for you and be fine with that’ (well, maybe not ‘fine’, but sort of ‘okay’) -- kind of love, was not really a phenomenon that Jim had believed in, ever, really.

Yet Spock even made that seem possible and even attainable.

Eventually Jim did come up with a category for Spock.

It was a word Spock taught him, one that meant everything, and anything. One that encompassed possibility, love, acceptance, and the best that life had to offer.


Jim still had great instincts when it came to people. Read them naturally -- it was just a part of his make-up. But, he liked it when Spock read him even better.

Spock saw Jim in a way that no one else ever had and no one else ever would. Jim was strangely fine with that.

The End!


( 55 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 16th, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
hee!! Young Captain Kirk thinks he's got a handle on everything. Well, not *quite* everything. Heh. :-)

Yay! You done good.
Jul. 16th, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you, my dear, for everything! You are the bestest!

And, as ever, I'm totally thrilled that you liked it. :-)
Jul. 16th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
This was so cute! Chipper is an excellent mood for this ficlet. Great way to toss in T'hy'la.

Well done!
Jul. 16th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm so honored you liked it. And yeah, I was in a happy mood when writing it so I guess that bleeds through, lol.

BTW: your icon is awesome!
Jul. 16th, 2009 09:05 pm (UTC)
Very nice. Loved all the categories but somehow liked Sulu's best. It goes without saying the ending was the best category of all. I bet there aren't too many T'hy'la's running around...

Thanks for sharing. :)
Jul. 16th, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the wonderful feedback! I'm so tickled you enjoyed it. It's interesting that you liked Sulu's category the most, it took me awhile to come up with his. When I first started planning the story I had Bones, Scotty and even Chekov down right away, but Sulu just kind of came as I wrote. I sat down and said, okay, I'm doing Sulu now and there he was. I'm so glad you liked that part, it shows that sometimes last minute inspiration is the best. ;-)
Jul. 16th, 2009 09:51 pm (UTC)
this was excellent. i loved the categories. (i want to say i especially loved scotty's but i especially loved all of them.)

(well, maybe not ‘fine’, but sort of ‘okay’) is one of the best parenthetical statements in existence. *nods*

but fabulous. absolutely fabulous. (I can go to bed now, feeling fulfilled.)
Jul. 16th, 2009 10:09 pm (UTC)
*blushes* Thanks so much for the wonderful feedback - you've got me grinning from ear to ear. I'm so thrilled you liked it. And yeah, I didn't think Jim would be 'fine' with giving up orgasms, so 'okay' seemed like the more appropriate Jim-way of making such a romantic declaration, lol. ;-)
Jul. 16th, 2009 10:24 pm (UTC)
"Everything annoyed Bones, just like everything annoyed Jim, but Leonard took annoyed and made it an art form."

Oh, goodness, how I <3 you. You pegged McCoy just right.

This was so great that I read parts of it aloud to my roommate, who was trying to play her Zelda game in peace. :)

And I know many, many Scotty's. ^^;
Jul. 16th, 2009 10:35 pm (UTC)
Hello love! *hugs*

Thanks bunches for the wonderful, heartwarming feedback. I'm so happy you liked it. And lol, I know a few Scotty's too. And my husband is a Bones, so yeah, that part came from the heart. ;-)
Jul. 16th, 2009 11:00 pm (UTC)
Just as brilliant the second time around. Thanks for letting me have a gander at it. :)

You know, Reboot!Jim and Harry could conceivably sit down somewhere and make a drinking game out of comparing their respective issues and terrible childhoods. Just saying. *scoots plot bunny your way*
Jul. 16th, 2009 11:25 pm (UTC)
Hello darling! *hugs*

Thanks so much! I loved you input. As you can tell, I kept your suggestions.

LMAO! Yes, both Harry and Jim did have terrible childhoods (I seem to favor the hard-luck cases, now that you've pointed it out, both are my faves in their respective series), but man, a Harry Potter and Star Trek crossover? That would really be something. To the Star Trek people, the wizarding world would be like Q, all-powerful and all that (I could just see John Delancie's Q eyeing Voldemort and scoffing 'Excuse me, you think you're all-powerful?! Please, I could blink and you'd be toast, horcrux or no horcrux. You're not worthy of my time. By the way, have you seen Jean Luc? I haven't messed with him enough today.'

I bet Hermione and Spock would hit if off. ;-)
Jul. 16th, 2009 11:37 pm (UTC)
‘this man is such a paranoid oddball, he’s awesome, and I want to be his friend.’ I love it! The whole thing!
The more I get back into star trek TOS, it stopped running here when I was about 6, the more I realize how much I must have imprinted on Bones (who is, FYI, called "Pille", in the german version) when i was a kid.
I also like Kirk not being able to figure Sulu out right away because the idea of someone being just good without a catch blows his mind.
Jul. 16th, 2009 11:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for the fabulous feedback! You've made my day. I'm truly tickled that you enjoyed the story. I imprinted on Bones as a child, too. I adore him, I really do. He's that character that always voices what everyone else is thinking, but no else has the balls to say, and he does it with such wonderful sarcasm. Sarcasm is always win in my book.

Pille - neat! I'll have to use that sometime! :-)
Jul. 17th, 2009 12:03 am (UTC)
Frank had the intelligence of a grapefruit, as insulting as that was to citrus everywhere
Oh, I am dearly in love with this bit right here.

Everything annoyed Bones, just like everything annoyed Jim, but Leonard took annoyed and made it an art form. No one could do bitter like Bones and make it so damn lovable.
And this.

I love his willingness to let Chekov do his own thing-- not to underestimate him, either.

He was moral and a stringent upholder of the law, unless someone he loved was threatened, in danger, or genuinely unhappy, and then, watch out lesser beings, because Spock was going to go apeshit on you and it won’t be pretty.

Your assessment of everyone is just lovely, and the flow of the piece is just perfect.
Jul. 17th, 2009 12:47 am (UTC)
*grins* I think you and I have similar senses of humor, because the lines you picked were my favorite to write.

Thank you so much for the wonderful, inspiring feedback. I'm ecstatic that the story was so enjoyed. You've put me in such a good mood. :-)
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 17th, 2009 01:15 am (UTC)
Wow! Thank you! I'm blushing and so flattered. That is extremely high praise, indeed. This feedback is like Christmas come early. I treasure it. :-)

I grew up on TOS, and like you I love Jim Kirk in all incarnations, but I must admit, I do think Abram has reinvented Jim to be more engaging. He's a little more lively, and possesses far greater attitude, lol. I can't wait to see what else Abram's will come up with.
Jul. 17th, 2009 01:51 am (UTC)
What a sweet and amusing look at the crew through Jim Kirk's eyes. Precociousness aside, I think a lot of us forget that yes, Kirk has to be a good judge of character. Especially loved his insights into McCoy, worldclass complainer,lol, and Scotty, the off-kilter engineering wunderkind. Do keep writing. :o)
Jul. 17th, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the fabulous feedback. I'm truly honored that you enjoyed the story.

I agree with you entirely, I think that one of the things that contributes to Jim being an amazing tactician is his ability to make pretty accurate guesses on how key players are going to react to any given situation. Both incarnations of Jim Kirk, TOS and Reboot, have this skill in spades. So that is what I was trying to capture with my fic. I just love that you got it. ;-)

Jul. 17th, 2009 02:41 am (UTC)
Aw, what a sweet story. I love the introduction of the characters in a "Naked Time" kind of way, filtered through Jim's consciousness and his own (unconsciously) expanding horizon. Very nicely done.
Jul. 17th, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so thrilled you enjoyed the story. It's funny, I didn't make the correlation with "Naked Time" but now that you point it out, you're right, I can see the comparison. :-)
Jul. 17th, 2009 03:12 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed reading this and the profiles he had on each person.

Loved the ending.
Jul. 17th, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the wonderful feedback. I'm so happy you enjoyed the story. :-)
Jul. 17th, 2009 08:07 am (UTC)

That is all!
Jul. 17th, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm thrilled you thought so. :-)
Jul. 17th, 2009 08:43 am (UTC)
Aww, this was really wonderful! I loved Jim fondly categorizing his crew (with lots of great LOL-worthy moments in there), and that ending was just so sweet and beautiful! ♥
Jul. 17th, 2009 05:57 pm (UTC)
*grins happily* Thanks so much! That so sweet of you to say. I'm tickled you enjoyed the story.
Jul. 17th, 2009 12:00 pm (UTC)
I love this - it feels totally right.

Jul. 17th, 2009 05:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the wonderful feedback. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the story. :-)
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