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FIC: Indeterminate (Kirk/Spock, 1/1)

Ficlet: Indeterminate
Author: Jaylee
Fandom: Reboot
Pairing: Kirk/Spock (Team Spork)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 998 according to Word
Summary: Ship Wars prompt "Ain't no sunshine when she's gone"... Jim isn't a big fan of shore-leave, being left alone too long with disturbing thoughts for company, seafood or cavemen, but admires the value of a good spear.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I'm just borrowing for a little fun.
Special Thanks: To nightshadow_t2, verizonhorizon and daphnie_1 for looking over this for me, they all rock beyond the telling of it!

*****


In the beginning I wanted to hate him. Well, maybe not, hate, exactly, but resent the hell out of him. Here was the guy who almost got me kicked out of the Academy, who didn’t listen when I tried to convey, as urgently as possible, that engaging Nero was the better idea. I mean, join the rest of the fleet, really? When the crazy Romulan had just blown up a planet and was insanely eager to blow up a few more? In what universe do we let overly obsessive maniacs get away with that kind of shit? I don’t care that we were outgunned. Did anyone tell Attila the Hun that he was outgunned when he took on Rome -- with spears? Or the Zulu when they took on the musket wielding expansionists -- with spears? Or Chief Sitting Bull when he took on the rifle wielding General Custer -- with spears? No they did not. Obviously the damn Vulcan had never heard the phrase that a man defending his home was worth a thousand gigantic mining spaceships from a hundred years in the future, but I digress.
 
So yes, resentment should have been mine to own, particularly after the whole marooning thing. On an ice planet. With giant, man-eating lobsters (there might be something to the vegetarian thing, though I’d never admit it to Spock in, well, ever, because me? Totally not eating any crustaceans of any kind ever again). And yes, I still maintain that that particular action was thoroughly against regulation and will to my dying day. But the thing is, Spock has this way of getting under my skin. I know that sounds strange. I can’t even explain it in my own head exactly, but there it is.
 
He’s so… smart. Insanely smart. The only person I’ve ever met, save Bones, who didn’t immediately have me thinking, ‘I’m willing to bet the stupidity in your family dates back to a Homo Erectus who was idiot enough to fall into a tar pit’ the way most people do. The rest of our crew doesn’t immediately have me thinking unibrows and ‘deer yummy, fire pretty’ either, of course, but Spock is different. 
 
He’s the only person to really challenge me. I know, I know, that shouldn’t be a turn on, right? I mean, I admit it’s kind of twisted to be fascinated with someone because they can beat your ass at chess and question every decision you ever make, but the thing is, well, it keeps me on my toes. As Scotty would say, it’s exciting.
 
I can’t help it if every time we have a shore leave for any length of time, and Spock utilizes it to visit the Vulcan Colony, I’m a little insecure that he’ll be tempted to just stay there and leave Starfleet. I mean, not totally irrational, right? Especially when I consider that he had to be persuaded to join my crew against his first inclination to help establish the colony. I can’t help this sneaky suspicion that Spock remains torn about his decision to this day, even after hundreds of after-hours chess games, my trying to be there for him during his period of ‘romantic disassociation’ from Uhura, and our taking fucking spears for each other on backwater planets. Yes, spears. Take that General Custer.
 
Am I confident that I can run my ship successfully without Spock there? Yes, I think I can. Do I want to? No. Spock helps the Enterprise run… better. Hell, he just makes everything better. So I think my anxiety is entirely justified.
 
Returning to Earth for leave is a weird experience. Despite Earth being my home it really doesn’t feel like it. A dozen counselors would probably attribute that to my crap childhood and some kind of dissociative disorder, but whatever. Kaiidth, as Spock would say, what is, is. The truth of the matter is that the Enterprise feels more like a home after one year serving on her than Earth did the entire twenty-five years I lived on it.
 
Is it pathetic that I want this shore leave to be over already, barely a day in? Undoubtedly. I have it on good authority that these things are supposed to be restful, but I can’t help but be anything but restless. My rented apartment feels more like a cage, and chilly San Francisco with its bright lights and ocean breeze feels repressive. To be fair to good ol’ San Fran, I think anywhere would pale to the Enterprise. I may be a sad, sad little man, but at least I’m under no delusions about it.
 
I wonder how much of a home the Enterprise would feel like without Spock? Not much. If Spock felt the intent of the Kobayashi Maru was to feel fear, then he would feel slightly vindicated for that whole ‘cheating’ thing if he saw me now… I don’t want him to leave.
 
Unlike on the Enterprise, falling asleep here on Earth is difficult. I don’t know why I even try. I have never been able to sleep while my brain buzzes over a hundred different possible scenarios and the counter-arguments I need to prepare in order to contradict Spock and avoid an unfavorable outcome.
 
Hearing the buzz of an incoming, prerecorded transmission manages to jolt me out of my reverie, and my anxiety increases exponentially. Who would be sending me messages in the middle of the night?
 
When I see the patiently exasperated face of my First, I feel my heart stop and all air escape my lungs.
 
“Jim, I will be returning to the Enterprise in two weeks time.” Underscored in the blunt tone was a sincerity that Spock usually reserves for me and me alone. I love this about us. “At that time I expect to find you well rested. If I do not, I shall be severely disappointed. Jim, sleep. I will know when you are not.” 

I feel my heart start again and my breath return.

The End!


Comments

( 44 comments — Leave a comment )
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ariadnechan
Jan. 24th, 2010 04:54 am (UTC)
it is really good!!!
i do mine in tos, but they will send it to me in the morning idk when morning it is!!

i hope when there it is you like it!!
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:14 am (UTC)
Thank you, darling, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :-)
ladyblahblah
Jan. 24th, 2010 05:24 am (UTC)
I don't even have a response for this. It's just . . . perfect. Absolutely, completely love it.
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:16 am (UTC)
Wow. Thank you so much for such awesome feedback. You've just made my whole day. :-)
tinocka
Jan. 24th, 2010 06:30 am (UTC)
This is brilliant! I loved it! :)
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:16 am (UTC)
Thank you, my dear. I'm so tickled you enjoyed it. :-)
daphnie_1
Jan. 24th, 2010 09:25 am (UTC)
I STILL love this :D You really wrote a perfect first person fic and your Kirk voice fills me with so much glee! Perfect fic.
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:21 am (UTC)
Awww, thank you, Sweetie. I'm completely thrilled you enjoyed it. And thanks again for reading it over for me, and for the pep talk, you are truly fabulous! :-)
kianspo
Jan. 24th, 2010 09:34 am (UTC)
Aw! This is dreamy... <333

Loved how you nailed down Jim's voice, and heck, I'm a sucker for him pining. ;) And the end was just WOW. Spock knows him so well already. :D
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:31 am (UTC)
Hi Sweetie! Thank you for the completely awesome feedback. I'm thrilled you liked it. I almost didn't join this round (the prompt has angst undertones all over the place and you know me, the eternal optimist, I had my doubts I could tackle the theme in a way I'd be satisfied with) so it's wonderful and relieving to hear that the story was enjoyed. :-)
binel63
Jan. 24th, 2010 12:58 pm (UTC)
I've never been a very big Jim-fan *before* I saw the Reboot. ;-)
That's a really lovely story and so very Jim-like in everything and Spock exasperated is always good either. :-D
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:33 am (UTC)
*blushes* Wow. What an awesome compliment. Thank you! :-)
ariadnechan
Jan. 24th, 2010 11:59 pm (UTC)
i hope you read mine my friend!!!

http://ariadnechan.livejournal.com/108320.html
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:34 am (UTC)
I did read yours and it was wonderful. :-)
scraplove
Jan. 25th, 2010 02:14 am (UTC)
Guh. This whole things was awesome, but this just slayed me:

“Jim, I will be returning to the Enterprise in two weeks time.” Underscored in the blunt tone was a sincerity that Spock usually reserves for me and me alone. I love this about us. “At that time I expect to find you well rested. If I do not, I shall be severely disappointed. Jim, sleep. I will know when you are not.”

I melllllllllt. Lovely job.
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:35 am (UTC)
Awww, thank you. That is very sweet of you to say. I'm truly honored that you enjoyed the story. :-)
cydienne
Jan. 25th, 2010 02:46 am (UTC)
He’s the only person to really challenge me. I know, I know, that shouldn’t be a turn on, right?

:D Your Jim is so adorable :) I like the way he thinks: yes, no... maybe a little :P
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:36 am (UTC)
*grins* Thanks so much! I'm tickled you enjoyed it. :-)
nix_this
Jan. 25th, 2010 03:35 am (UTC)
I love your frustrated Jim voice and his unique flavour of let me count the ways~!

Beautiful. Again. :) Who's surprised?(hint: not me ) XD
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:40 am (UTC)
Beautiful. Again. :) Who's surprised?(hint: not me )

That just made me insanely happy. Thanks so much for the completely awesome feedback. I've had a pretty rough day, so this is exactly the kind of medicine I needed. You rock!
(no subject) - nix_this - Jan. 25th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jaylee_g - Jan. 25th, 2010 07:40 am (UTC) - Expand
xlcatloveress
Jan. 25th, 2010 09:30 am (UTC)
Oh my GAWD! I hate first person, really, really, I do. 99.9% of the time, it makes me think 'no, it is not I who is gallivanting through the universe on a starship/making love to a hot Vulcan/cheating another no-win scenario/etc., so can we stop making it read like I am supposed to?'

But this? THIS? HOLY COW! I LOVE this fic (I'd be totally using sparkle text all over this if I weren't too lazy to go and dig them out of my bookmarks right now .. sorry *chuckles*). It progresses perfectly and Jim is so JIM in it that my usual thought patterns never ONCE pop up as I'm breathlessly following along his line of reasoning. Not ONCE, you hear me (and .. you just might, because I'm capslocking all over this commentary, and that tends to be quite noisy).

Seriously, woman - you write amazing fics. And this one is no exception. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll have to go and re-read this again. And again. And again.
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, you are the best mood-lifter-upper ever. I was just sitting here at work bemoaning the Monday-ness of today (while guzzling coffee trying to wake-up), and then I saw this and a huge smile lit my face. This totally made my week. Thank you for this really awesome feedback! :-)
afallenseraphim
Jan. 25th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)
I love this, but I don't think that's surprising.

I don't know if you intended for it to or not, but that last Spock line makes my fangirl heart go pitter-patter 'cuz I can totally interpret it as an allusion to a bond.
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:17 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you, darling. I'm thrilled that you liked it. I had my doubts about entering this prompt, because I wasn't sure I could pull off the theme in a way I'd be happy with, so it is a balm to my soul to hear that the final result was enjoyed. :-)

I don't know if you intended for it to or not, but that last Spock line makes my fangirl heart go pitter-patter 'cuz I can totally interpret it as an allusion to a bond.

Yup, that was intentional. I left it vague to leave a little bit to reader imagination, but ultimately yes, a bond was definitely what I was hinting at. Poor Jim doesn't know yet that all of his angst-ing and neurotic-ism was entirely unnecessary. I can't help it, as much as I adore the guy profusely, and I do, I do so love to mess with his head. ;-)
musicpuppet
Jan. 25th, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
2 weeks?!?! T_T LOL. This story was GORGEOUS!!
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 06:17 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you. You just made my whole morning. I'm so tickled you enjoyed it.
rawiya_amani
Jan. 25th, 2010 09:55 pm (UTC)
~ I adore how cute the ending was! of course Sock would know these things~

I really like you're little development of Kirk's take of everything, it made him seem sad, yet not so lost in sadness that it would be out of character for him.

very nice read!
jaylee_g
Jan. 25th, 2010 11:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the completely awesome feedback. I'm so tickled and thrilled that you enjoyed the story. :-)
angels3
Jan. 27th, 2010 12:13 am (UTC)
BUSTED!!!!!!!!!!

I love that Spock called and fussed at him. Oh and the not eating crustaceans again was hysterical.
jaylee_g
Jan. 27th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
*bounces happily in chair* Thanks for the awesome feedback. I'm so tickled you enjoyed it. :-)
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